I have the worst anxiety. Not the kind that makes you timid and nice to people. The kind that makes you hate everything and everybody.
I just signed the lease and shelled out a few grand for the new tiny apt. today. And I can't say I'm super excited. I want so badly to be ecstatic, but I'm just not. I think I will be, I just need some time. I don't really know why I'm not thrilled right now.. I should be. I'm overwhelmed and underwhelmed at the same time. I hate this feeling.
have you ever met somebody that you just had a gut feeling that someday you would know them better? this happens to me a lot. Like I will meet somebody, and just know that someday we will be closer. Romantically or otherwise. Sometimes it takes years, sometimes just a couple weeks. I don't seek out stronger relationships with these people, I just go about my business, and somehow it just always happens. They stumble into my life without warning.
And I got this feeling with Park City when I was a little kid. I just knew that someday, me and this city would be closer, know each other a little better.
well, I don't really have a point. except I just needed to write about having exciting things happen and not being excited about them.
I feel like I'm 4, laying on the kitchen floor, stomping and pouting and yelling about going to Disneyland or something, because it's somehow not on my terms.
"I DON'T WANT TO GO TO DISNEYLAND UNTIL I SAY SO!!. DUH!"
thank heavens for the bottle of pinot noir I plan on finishing in my new bathtub tonight. by myself. with radiohead playing in the background hahaha because, damn it, I feel like wallowing in my negativity today.
WAHHH.
Despite today's bad vibes, I know good days and good things and good people are on the horizon. I'll live!
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