con-see-ehrrge



my office.



my job is interesting for a multitude of reasons.  many people don't know what a concierge is, I know I didn't until I was one..  and it's kind of hard to explain.  but really funny things happen, so I think it's time I start recording them.

I'm kind of like the mother to all the hotel guests.  I make sure everybody has transportation and flights and private jets and rental cars. 

And I make sure everybody knows when and where and how they are going to eat, and how to get there.  And I plan helicopter and snowcat skiing, arrange for ski equipment and lift passes, dog sledding, snowmobiling, horseback riding, snowshoeing, fly fishing, train rides, tubing, kayaking, rafting and crafting, art classes and ice skating and shopping and shipping.

I book spa treatments and personal training and cooking classes and personal chefs, and I have even taught an early morning yoga class to a distraught trophy wife whose regular yoga instructor was preoccupied elsewhere (in a car accident).

I have a few great contacts for really great seats at any event.  I managed to get row A seats directly behind OKC's bench for the Jazz game this week.  and a VIP table for Dave Grohl's Sound City.  And 3rd row seats to a sold-out Celine Dion concert. 

I'm BFF's with all the hostesses and chefs and managers at all the best restaurants.  I know all the best regions for all the best wines and champagnes and how to pair them.

I have filled bubble baths, covered beds and floors in rose petals, even arranged for some disturbing S&M sex toys to be waiting with chocolate covered strawberries.  I've grocery shopped and conjured babysitters out of thin air. 

It's alot of fun to work with clients who don't have limits on their black Amex cards.

And it's alot of fun to work in hotels.  I love the hidden passages and closets, and knowing all the secrets of a hotel.  And even better is seeing what goes on in the 'back-of-the-house.'  Monsieur, do you really think we are all this gracious and well-behaved in real life?? Try again.  We're all completely inappropriate and hilarious.

You've stayed in hotels before.  And chances are you had no idea how many people were involved in making your stay possible.  And when you're at a large super-luxury hotel, even more people and more money and more attention to detail is involved. And there are more secrets too, which I love.

My job has afforded me alot of opportunities and networking and education and training that I would have otherwise never received. It feels pretty great.

some of my favorite guest experiences to date:

1. the loud-yet-adorable woman who asked me to cut marshmallow out of her hair.  She refused to just wipe it out with a damp cloth because "ZAT VAWTAH VILL RU-EEN MY HAIR FROM ZE ZALON!!"
2. watching drunk people. and talking to them. and pity-smiling at people twice my age that can't handle their alcohol. always funny.
3. waiting for a certain big-shot producer to leave the lobby so I could finally let my giggles escape.  because he got in the elevator and found a pile of barf.  and he's a mean person. so he deserved it. and it was hilarious. all because, again, people can't handle their alcohol.
4. the creepy old man that was eventually escorted off property for threatening to stab me because I wouldn't go to dinner with him. really man?
5. the crazy ass emails I got one day from someone who was clearly on acid.  and then finding out he was arrested in town with an assault rifle.  some people can't handle their acid, either.
6. being asked to have a basket with anal vibrators and cock rings and a whip and handcuffs, and "a few other fun things" for male partners celebrating their anniversary.  since clearly, gay sex toys are my specialty.  ?
7. that guy that out of nowhere told a front desk agent all about his hemorrhoids.  this just happened 5 MINUTES AGO.

there are a million more, and I will post them as I remember them or as they happen.

cheers to doing something that does as much for you as you do for it. and getting paid at the same time.