I am so glad I'm not a teenager.
I think it was tough when I was one, but it seems so much harder for kids now. My baby sister is in the middle of those awful, awkward years. But it seems like it is harder for her than it was for me. I am so grateful to have had the safety net of lifelong best friends that I had since I was young. they really did save me from doing alot of stupid stuff, I think. And now there are cell phones available to 8 year olds, sexting starts in junior high, drugs and sex and puberty seem to be starting earlier and earlier..
Back when I was younger, there were indeed days that I would eat my lunch in a bathroom stall because I was so worried that people would question why I was eating food when I obviously didn't need the calories.
I was in 8th grade before I stopped thinking that people were only nice to me because I was retarded or handicapped, and my mom asked them to be my friends. Seriously.
Freak if I could be as skinny now as I was back then! I don't even know if I could tackle the math now that was capable of back then. I wasn't retarded or fat, yet I was cripplingly worried what people thought of me.
A few months ago I even had a conversation with the one girl I envied more than anyone through all of high school. I wanted to look like her, talk like her, dress like her, and I hated that I felt like I could never pull it off.. Crazily enough, it turns out she felt similarly about me. We could have been like the power-chicks of orem high school but my silly ego prevented that friendship from ever forming.
I've been putting together kind of a book of advice, or things that I wish I would have believed when I was younger, for my baby sister.. Because we all heard all the advice, but it came to us from parents or leaders or teachers- people we didn't think understood..
but holy crap, did they, in a twisted old person way. So the last time I talked to my little sister, I told her a few things that I've learned so far, and realized that I should remember my own advice::
1. keep trying hard, but just for a different reason. most people don't notice nearly as much as you think they do. I am a very observant person, but I've found that not all others are. At least the one's I'm worried are noticing my imperfections. don't be a good person because someone is watching. do it for your own karma or self-accomplishment or Jesus or whatever. don't wear make-up and dress to attract boys, dress for yourself, so that you know you look and feel good and can be confident and happy with yourself. There is nothing wrong with working to improve yourself for yourself, or your future family, or for the good of your own health and happiness.
2. stay busy. find something worth doing and do it. do something besides watch tv whether you want to or not. you won't ever regret it. (unless you're on your period, then vedge away..)
3. always act like the kick-ass lady that you are, even if you don't feel like it sometimes. If you want to attract a smart, kind, healthy and confident guy, then you better be a smart, kind, healthy and confident lady. It took me much too long to learn this one. If I stay out and party and hook up with randoms, how can I expect a truly good man to be attracted to me? Last November, this thought really hit home for me. I decided I wouldn't even kiss a guy that I wouldn't consider marrying, and my whole life has changed. Not to say I won't kiss another guy until I'm engaged or something, but just that if they don't have the qualities I want in a husband, I won't waste the time.
4. your situation is not your excuse. it's always bugged me to hear people blame their childhood, or situation, or surroundings for their behavior. just because someone was molested doesn't mean she's destined to be slut. just because you were poor doesn't mean you are bound to be uneducated. just because you didn't grow up with a dad doesn't mean you won't have a proper relationship in your life. just because you have ADD doesn't mean you can't be brilliant. Of course all of these things could happen, and maybe you'll notice higher tendencies, and some things will be harder for you. but at the end of the day, you have nobody to blame for your actions but yourself. be in touch with yourself enough to be able to figure out where your urges and habits come from. and either change them or don't act on them.
4. you really are beautiful. humans, and actually most living things in life, amaze me. I don't believe I have ever come across a person or plant or animal without at least some beautiful part or feature. Or without a few imperfections, either..
One guy may have acne scars, but look at those eyes. Some woman may have wrinkles, but they came from that knockout smile. I may be a little chubby around the middle, but my legs, they're still pretty awesome.. :)
Confidence is one of those things. You can't pay for it. You don't just get to have it. It has to be earned through self-realization, and self-induced thoughts of approval.
Because I know, you can have a room full of people telling you that you are absolutely gorgeous, but thats not going to make you feel absolutely gorgeous.
I am not the person to preach about confidence. It's almost hypocritical. I've been struggling with it for years and years, just like every other gal in the world.. I've done some really cruel and terrible things to myself to try and be skinnier and prettier, more 'perfect'.
I do think insecurity is the truest evil on earth. I believe insecurity is the stem of all evil, hatred, cruelty, judgement and violence.
Insecurity is also the reason so many don't reach their true potential. If you really knew how amazing you were, would you really be hooking up with that disrespectful guy? Or letting that person make you feel so badly about yourself?
what would you do if you knew you could not fail??
I could go on and on all day, I guess, about the cruelties and ironies of the world. I so wish there was an easy answer for my baby sister. I wish I could just snap her out of her sometimes self-destructive ways. But perhaps this hard time is part of her journey that will form her into the truly amazing person she has the potential to be.
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