i decapitate dozens of roses and throw the petals in the air like confetti around beds and floors almost daily. it's like 52 card pick up, but you don't have to clean it up and it smells better.
and i get to decorate rooms and decorate cakes and assemble beautiful bowls of berries and my favorite; play florist. and i plan birthday parties and proposals and honeymoons, and i craft and bedeck, and set proper tables with proper linens and flatware and stemware, and frequently perform one of my true talents, grocery shopping, all while being paid and driving around in one of the company Benzes. I'm a professional but refined ass-kisser, but my job does have it's perks and I consider myself fairly lucky.
all my adolescent years of choosing martha stewart and foodnetwork over cartoons and sitcoms are paying off. and my tendency to mother, coddle and turn every person (including boyfriends), animal, or thing into my child is rather advantageous. it also helps that i was raised a know-it-all.
but then sometimes, i have to deal with some truly deranged people. the amount of hand-holding some humans require is absolutey absurd.
and these encounters make me wish i would have not dropped out, and stayed on my med-school board-certified epidemiologist path that i had so carefully laid out. because surely, epidemiology would not have presented me with situations like this.
today, this woman somehow took 17 minutes to understand the following:
2. I cannot predict the weather.
3. I am not going to try and talk Canyons into opening a day earlier for you.
If I'm in the right mood, I can fake warm hospitality very well. but this phone call almost broke my friendly facade. luckily, i think she was too distracted to pick up on the sarcasm that may or may not have been dripping off of my lips by the time the call was over.
after finally convincing her that I cannot guarantee a complimentary triple upgrade until the day-of... this:
"well, so if you're saying you can't guarantee it's going to snow, can we hike at least?"
"park city is a ski town, in the mountains, and it typically snows in the winter here. I am just saying that opening day for the ski resorts can be adjusted up to a week in either direction depending on weather. We do not anticipate having any problems opening as scheduled this season, but unfortunately, we cannot control the weather. If Canyons does not have enough snow to open by opening weekend, you can indeed hike."
(she wouldn't have been able to comprehend had i mentioned what the farmer's almanac predicts for this season, so I didn't even bother telling her it's supposed to be a great winter. *knock on wood. don't you dare jinx me, farmers almanac.*)
"okay. well do you know yet how much snow will you have on November 29th?"
"regrettably, I do not."
"well, don't you guys make man-made snow?"
"yes, however snow-making is fairly reliant on proper weather conditions as well."
"so are the ski resorts even opening this year?"
"yes......(where did you even come up with that!?) I simply cannot 100% positively guarantee the dates. As I said before, we do not anticipate any changes to scheduled openings, but one cannot control Mother Nature." I said with a pretentious smile.
more of this dumbass ping-pong, back and forth, for 10 more minutes.
eventually I pulled the receiver away from my face and held it directly in front of my extended middle finger for at least 11 seconds. I will never know what other irrational questions she had during this time, nor do I care.
JEEZ LADY. I'm just buying myself a little liability insurance, in case some freak asteroid hits park city, and then you sue me when you can't ski or snowshoe on November 29th!!
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I have had this completely irritating habit since I think fourth grade. I once got it under control my Junior year when I forbade myself from engaging in my ridiculous quirk, because I literally annoy the hell out of myself, but I relapsed in 2008 and have yet to get it under control again.
every time I see a string of numbers, especially times, phone numbers, confirmation numbers, and license plates, I turn them into some dorky and completely unneccessary pre-algebra math equation, and I can't move on to whatever I am supposed to be doing until I either solve the equation, sometimes with a remainder, or cancel it out so it equals 0. I thought of this because I just looked at the clock, and the time is 12:38, and 1x2^3=8, but more importantly it means it's almost one in the afternoon so I have to go eat lunch.
byyyyye.
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