maybe he just really is not that into me.

 so, with my recent flurry of confusing contradictory dating/booty-call/wishing-I-was-a-wife blog posts, I have been increasingly aware of my situation.

so, like the american gal that I am, I revert to one of my favorite books and movie:

He's Just Not That Into You

& I have learned so many lessons from this idea.  this line is always in the back of my mind:

If a guy wants to date you, he will find a way to date you.

but I still make excuses for the people who use me, abandon me, forget about me until they are drunk.

whY??  don't I want a guy that would forget everything in his life before he forgot about me?  or someone who would go to the ends of the earth for me? and not because I had to send him a naughty picture to remind him of how much he likes me either, but because he never forgot about me in the first place.

it is so frustrating.  I've been going over all the excuses I've been given recently.  & I always find a way to justify them and agree with them.  Who taught me this justification process??! 


Their Dismissals Disguised as Compliments & What I Should Have Been Thinking:

1. There is just something about you.  It's like I'm an

animal when I'm with you.  I can't control myself around you.

so if I'm that great.. why do you only call 5 times a year?

2.  You're amazing, but I've never been intimidated and intrigued by a girl before the
way I am with you.  It's insane, and I love it.

so if I'm that hot.. why don't you ask me out on a real date?

3.  I'm just really tired, I am going to go to bed.  It was really great

to see tonight for a few minutes, honey.

so if you're so tired.. why the hell are you on an evening stroll with her? was it, like, so good to see me earlier? LIAR.

4.  I went through a terrible breakup before, 

and now I am too afraid to be hurt again.

so.. how do you know I am going to hurt you? do I need to convince you of how good I could be to you?

5. you will make the most amazing wife and mother.  you are seriously incredible.

so.. I could maybe be your wife if you actually tried. Dipshit.

The Advice I Always Forget but Have Recently Revisited: 

1. if he isn't asking you out, he doesn't want to go out with you. I always disagree with this one, make them excuses, because who knows, maybe they just forgot about how much they like me or something, right?  he had to have felt that we had a connection. That was more than a booty call, right? WRONG.  I am like the master at this one.  if I'm only calling you when I'm drunk or bored, it's simply because I am drunk and bored. Not because I actually want you.  It sucks bad, but I have to accept that the same has to be the true for guys too.  He isn't too busy in general, he's just too busy for you.

2. if he is not calling you, he is not that into you.  this one kills me.  because there are actually guys, good guys, that are actually calling.  but I'm not interested in them.  WHY CAN'T I BE INTERESTED IN THOSE ONES?!


this wonderful book suggests resetting my
standards to something similar to the following:
1. I will not date a man who hasn't asked me out first.
2. I will not date a man who keeps me waiting by the phone.
3. I will not date a man who isn't sure he wants to date me.

it's a little disheartening to realize that if I apply these standards to the current boys I kinda like, they're pretty much all wiped out. HOW SAD! right?!  but if I really think about it, do I want to waste a single minute more waiting for somebody who isn't aware of how great I could be?  somebody who accepts and adores my flaws the same way I accept and adore theirs?

 

It's insanity to me when I catch myself thinking I am being vain, self-obsessed, narcissistic, stuck up or bitchy to think for one second that I deserve somebody who can't keep their minds or hands off of me, and who is my perfect .  It's not selfish at all! In reality, it's setting myself up for a relationship or marriage that isn't a waste of our time.  

 

Imagine that.  

The reason I have been thinking/typing like a mad woman (cue L.V Beethoven hair) about this today is because my mother told me last night that she "was so in love with the idea of being in love, that she never actually paid much mind to the people she was trying to fall in love with."  Which is why she and her 5 ex-husbands always ended up miserable.  She would make them excuses, justify their behavior, do them favors and clean up after them, and then once the novelty of them wore off, she realized she couldn't stand them.

 

Problem solved, questions answered, Pinot Noir & Bubble Bath, here I come. 

 ps:

I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR. & NOT CALL OR TEXT YOU FIRST.