hunting in muh-tayna

we just got back from helena for pk's bow hunt!  the 8-hour drive with a 5-year old was interesting to say the least. each way. and hunting and the idea of hunting is still a little foreign to me.. isabelle stayed with her grandma while we went out every day, and she had so much fun she practically ignored us the whole weekend.. i wish i had taken more pictures but here's what i got:

getting his bow & arrow (or whatever it's called) ready

zach & philip when the car battery died in the middle of the forest. seriously haha)

i love that smile

this was after she spilled red icee alllll over her arm and the gas station, but before she got bored and started painting the red and blue stuff all over the car.. that was an interesting mess to find. daddy was NOT happy.

it's been kind of a fast couple of months going from single with barely any responsibility, basically only worrying about myself-- to now being an instant mom, feeding my family and getting iz ready for school and helping with homework and doing her hair (choosing outfits and doing hair are definitely not in daddy's talent repertoire, something he admits openly :)  and having to remember to be patient, something I haven't really had to do the past few selfish years.. i have kept my new little family kind of to myself while we got in to a routine, but it's happened so naturally and easily, it feels like this is what i was made for. i really can't even explain it.  he's my soul mate and it's been so different with him..  we all need each other, and in iz's words "guys, this kinda feels just like a family." i am so in love with my two people, and i just melt watching pk be such an amazing daddy. i can't believe he's done it alone for so long.

i never have done things the traditional way, i guess, including making my family. :) but annnnyway.

the first bow hunt i tagged along for a few months ago was kind of a shock.  i told pk before we went that i truly had absolutely no idea how i was going to react when i saw one-- i could cry, scream, barf, go mute, have a seizure, die, explode, collapse, pee my pants.. i literally didn't know what i would do. those freaky-schizo animals used to make me cry because they are so mentally unstable it terrifies me! but pk held my hand, kind of laughing at me, when i slowly walked up to the first dead deer body i ever saw, like in person. and i was actually kind of calm.  the animal wasn't that scary anymore, (says the girl that used to have recurring deer nightmares.....) the hunters weren't just ruthless killers (you wouldn't believe how many rules and regulations there are to follow, and how expensive the tags and equipment and butchers are) but i kind of realize now that it's so much more humane than the treatment and torture and killing that the meat we eat every single day has to go through..

i've gone through vegetarian and vegan periods in the past, which made me much more aware of what i eat.. and it's kind of awful when you realize you gluttonously made it through the day having sampled 5 different types of animal. it's an easy thing to do.. eggs and bacon and pork sausage for breakfast, turkey sandwich with cheese for lunch, a bite of the kids' chicken nuggets during the day, a bacon burger or grilled fish for dinner.  while I watched in horror as pk cut up some birds he hunted he told me:  "people don't understand the work and nasty mess that goes in to that neat and pretty cellophane package of boneless skinless chicken breasts at the store, huh?"

totally. haha.

those factories don't care how long its been since slaughter, or the humans the animals are going to be eaten by, or the stress those animals feel when they are kept cooped up in filth just waiting to die.  i really am starting to appreciate being this much closer to our food source.

even though it still kinda freaks me out.

anyway, my point was that we made it back to utah alive.