this is something i have thought about doing many times, but never have.
because, rape. and bacteria.
my hitch hiker's name was Barb. (which immediately made me think of an enlightening conversation i had recently about male cat private parts. they're BARBED. google it. i. couldn't. believe. it. either.) she was headed to Park City waiting on the the I-80 E on-ramp. i saw her sign, and without thinking, just pulled over and unlocked my car. she ran up and hopped in!
at that moment, i had about a 90 second period where i was questioning if i had mistakenly taken acid, and wondered if i was simultaneously completely drunk. it was only 10:30am, and no i wasn't drunk. or on acid. which i've only really ever even seen one time at a skrillex concert
(((sidestory: a very nice but mangy boy who had no idea who or where he was generously offered me a hit? tab? drop? of acid, which i politely declined. this same concert i was offered molly, mushrooms, ecstasy, somebody just gave me a joint which i subsequently just gave away, and who even knows what else. i was so petrified i just stood there, stunned, through the rest of the concert. and remembered why i usually avoid events like skrillex concerts. but boy, those fizzheads are generous, aren't they!)))
so there I was this morning with an only mildly smelly but lovely stranger in my car. we had a great chat on our way up the canyon, then i dropped her off at mcdonalds. and it was really nice to meet her.
my life has just been so magically amazing that i can't help but want to sprinkle love and hugs and smiles and kindness everywhere all over everybody. i'm a little pathetic and obnoxious, i know. but every day i think i figure out life just a little bit more.
i've found myself feeling the need to keep the special people in my life more private. i'm trying to move past the idea of posting pictures and telling and showing everyone about how great everything is going. because i realize more and more that things that are truly beautiful on the inside don't ask for attention. and sometimes, the beautiful things asking for attention are just a distraction from the actual situation that maybe isn't really all that pretty. like sad people wearing pretty smiles inside a beautiful building surrounded by a perfectly landscaped yard in a lovely neighborhood.
being happy isn't about looking beautiful, or keeping up appearances to make sure everybody knows how amazing your house and your relationship and your family and your job are. where did we get this idea of what our lives are supposed to be like? and why is it so easy to feel the need to make sure all your friends perceive your life as perfect?
i think we see so many examples of small perfections all the time, everyday, that we add them all together in our minds and create this monster of an ideal life full of all the perfections we've seen that isn't attainable by anybody anywhere. all of us have a few small perfections in our lives, but everyone has imperfections too. you can't possibly expect everything to be perfect all the time, and it's a shame that so many of us suffer because of this unrealistic expectation.
i have really been working on enjoying the little things, seeing happiness where i didn't used to, and more than anything not comparing myself or anything in my life to anything else. i think this plague of comparing is so devastating to all of us, and affects everyone through social media and tv and movies. opportunity for comparison is everywhere.
but once i stopped comparing, expecting myself to have a body like her, a marriage like that, a baby dressed like this, and a salary like that, i realized how absolutely beautiful life is, with all it's perfections and imperfections.
god i'm a lucky girl. kindness doesn't cost a thing, sprinkle that shit everywhere.
-ray
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