we are in the last 2 days of the second trimester.. final countdown begins now! I am feeling more and more ready to meet you! it is overwhelming sometimes, but pregnancy is genius in that it gives us just as much as quickly as we can handle it. preparation for a baby is no cake walk, mentally, physically, buying all the baby things, but I think we are given just enough time to adapt without falling all the way apart.
well, most of the time it feels bearable. I've let myself feel a little panicked a couple times, but I think that's normal.
I watched daddy's face like a creeper this morning while he was still asleep and just waking up, and imagined how much you will look like him when you first open your eyes every morning. I am so excited to see what color your hair is, since daddy had so much blond hair and I had so much dark hair. I always wonder what color your eyes are going to be, and whose toes you got :) your little home in my belly expanded into my ribcage in the last week or so, and if I get my position wrong or crunch the wrong way, it feels like my lungs are too squashed to take in air! I can usually stretch and poke you and make a little more space, but the first time I felt your little legs inside my ribs was a little surprising! I can only imagine how uncomfortable this is going to get before it's all said and done, but I'm okay with whatever happens to me just to get you here healthy and happy.
my cravings aren't specific all the time like some mamas' are, just once in a while, but I still really love spicy spicy food, and have been eating probably way too much yogurt. it allllways sounds good. yesterday we had yogurt for breakfast, with lunch, and for an afternoon snack. at this rate I'll have to get a cow and start making yogurt at home to keep up with the demand. I love that pregnancy has a way of making health and wellness such a huge priority so quickly, too. Now I look at everyday items I used to not even notice, like plastic bags and water bottles, and think of all the endocrine-disrupting chemicals that could be lurking there! (I know, I roll my eyes when I say stuff like this too) The children of people my age are the first generation in hundreds of years not expected to live to be older than their parents, and that is awful! it's a little unavoidable that our water and air and food are becoming more and more poisonous, because the world just keeps expanding and advancing, and with growth comes waste and easier, cheaper, less wholesome ways of doing just about everything.. but it makes me feel better to take small steps in reducing the toxins we expose our family to at home as much as possible.
we are starting to collect more and more little things for you! blankets, and little plush toys for your room, I ordered your carrier the other day, your yiaya and papa got us the glider/sleeper that I've been wanting, and I'm so excited to set it up I might have to let your stuffed puppy take it for a test drive. pretty please do mama the biggest favor ever and don't hate it and scream every time we lay you down in it? you can hate the binkies, and scream when we put socks on you, or anything else, but please don't hate this giant expensive unnecessary swing that I just love! I probably just jinxed us sooo bad, huh? well, I guess we'll find out soon enough. :)
I'm feeling very confident about the remainder of our pregnancy, and labor and delivery. Even though there's no way of knowing exactly what it will feel like, or how exactly you'll be born, I'm certain my mind and body are capable of this, and your little body knows exactly what to do, too. all my hours and years of practicing meditation and mindfulness have taught me that our minds have the most amazing and powerful ability of transporting us anywhere and overcoming any type of discomfort or stress, and I believe that remaining calm and confident and breathing, and having daddy there to help me get back on track when I lose focus or start to panic or stop my controlled breathing, will help us have a peaceful birth, no matter how it ends up playing out. I think the next few months I will continue preparing, and start educating myself about what to expect for myself (and my hormones, ohhh my..), and for you and your body the first couple months after you're born -- that's the part that I feel the least prepared for, but all in good time, I'm sure.
love you, little one. I just adore this adventure we're on together.
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